Saturday, 5 December 2015

#001: focus


So I finally decide to switch back to Blogger due to the repeated unsuccessful attempts at login in my Livejournal account which subsequently caused myself to be temporarily banned from entering for an hour lol.

I had the urge to post somewhere about my thoughts recently. It's getting too much to bear and I wasn't in the mood to (literally) talk about it now. I have been feeling out of sorts in the later half of 2015; I've been feeling increasingly socially awkward. I feel that people don't really want to talk to me, that I am dull, boring, that they have better people to talk to. Like how I'm the option, not the priority. Never the priority. These aren't baseless accusations. If you were me for a day, you would see how people look at me. You would feel how awkward the pauses could get because then I would try (and fail) to fill up the silence.

Maybe I am overthinking all this shit but somehow I can't put a stop to these ramblings and insecurities going on in my mind. It's so hard to be a normal human. Who was the girl before the second half of 2015 came about? How did she communicate with others then? Or was I always this cringeworthy awkward, oblivious person, only to know now?

So tired of all these going on in my mind.

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